Saturday, January 31, 2015

Of dream wardrobes.


"I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish he lived in the wardrobe on a coat hanger. Whenever I wanted, I could get him out and he'd look at me the way boys do in films, as if I'm beautiful."
~ Jenny Downham, Before I Die


Would that wishes like that could come true. Someday, perhaps, when pigs fly and hell freezes over. 

Friday, January 30, 2015

Cue out.

FYI, that new rule I just imposed, the others have you to thank for it.

Ah, the classiness. I'll just pretend I didn't hear you say it.

So it gets personal now, huh?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

...

My shift's almost over, and tomorrow happens to be my day off. I've got one thing to rant about before I head home. Just a short rant, to relieve the stress.


Dear Superior,

You do not order your subordinate to call a third party and request a copy of an invoice you need to get your hands (or eyes) on by 5.00pm, at fucking 4.45. You were lucky I managed to get it on time. No one wants to entertain such a crazy request. Most would tell you to fuck off and wait until tomorrow.

That's it. Done.

Just a small bit of randomness.


I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart cut on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface without moving me underneath
I bruise easily...

~Natasha Bedingfield, I Bruise Easily~


One question: Is this a song for people with thrombocytopenic purpura?

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Ana majnuna.


For the sake of one wish yet unfulfilled he thought but little of everything else that heaven had granted him. That is how human beings are made! If prayers remain unanswered, do we ever reflect that it may be for our good? We feel sure that we know our needs, yet the future is veiled from our eyes. The thread of our fate ends outside the visible world; and what today we mistake for a padlock keeping us out, we may tomorrow find to be a key that lets us in.
~ Nizami Ganjavi, The Story of Layla and Majnun


So sick of what I've been seeing on the news these recent days. Let's drown it out with a generous helping of epic poetry.

You know, after all the damage we've done to this world we're supposed to take care of, the notion of a second Great Deluge is very welcome indeed.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Janvier.

The initial plan was to go straight home, then sleep through the countdown.

That didn't happen.

Instead, I ended up on the hotel rooftop, lounging on a wicker chair, a glass (my second) of Malbec in my hand, discussing philosophy and global politics--at half an hour to midnight. Another guest who eventually became a friend, despite the fact that we just met the day before. I keep being told that I make really delightful company. The fact that my romantic relationships keep getting messed up is something I find utterly baffling.

I'd clocked out after the shift handover, then slipped quietly upstairs. So quietly that none of the colleagues would have known where I had gone. He referred to himself as M--"So you can pretend you're working for MI-6, Miss Bond". That came shortly after he commented on the somewhat unsettling nature of the topics we touched on. "You, my dear, are a very dangerous person."

His wit seemed to have a permanently-sharp edge. A quality I couldn't help but admire. That wit made me lose track of the minutes. Before we knew it, fireworks filled the sky with bursts of color and booming noise. Conversation was no longer possible, so we stood and watched the display in silence.

Fifteen minutes of silence, taking in the sights, the sounds and the oohs and aahs of two more guests who had joined us minutes earlier.

"Happy new year," he said, offering his hand for me to shake. 

"Happy new year, M," I reciprocated.

He reached for the Malbec. We'd emptied the bottle. Delicious to the last drop. It reminded me of night shifts with the best friend--sitcoms, figs, glasses of red, and not a single guest in-house. Definitely not employee-of-the-month material. Those were good times indeed.

My head throbbed. I'd totally forgotten about it. Three days, on-and-off, still no sign of it going away. A brief respite, yes--like the previous hour, but it would flare up again as soon as you thought it was finally coming to an end. A visit to the doctor's office appears to be in order. Let's just hope I could keep this red down long enough to avoid losing it to the sink.

Yes, the sink. Throwing up into porcelain thrones is just not my thing.

Another half hour of talking, then I called it a night. There was an intruder in my bedroom, hiding under the covers. My ears were assaulted by unbelievably shrill meowing. Unbelievable, because he can fit comfortably in my palms. A tiny thing, but loud as fuck. That's Obi-Wan for you. My little Padawan. I should change my name to Qui-Gon Jinn.

On normal days, I would chuck him into his box next to the fridge. This time, I let him purr me to sleep.

Bienvenue, Janvier!


P/S: This post was penned (yes, literally penned) on January 1st. Unfortunately, unlike most of you, I had to work on New Year's Day. Belated as it is, I'm still determined to make this the first ever post for 2015. Now that reminds me of one more thing. I need to submit that application form for my TESOL program.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Sayang meow.

Of all the pictures I saw related to the current massive flood in Kelantan, this is the one that moves me the most:



We tend to forget that human lives are not the only ones involved here. Hang in there, furry friends on the East Coast. I pray for the Almighty to keep you safe.

P/S: The above picture is of unknown origin. It may not even be a recent one. However, it was posted in a blog containing a commentary about the current situation in the East Coast state. Anyway, old or new, I can only imagine how it must be like for these innocent little creatures over there, trapped with everyone else in the flood.

I do hope they are not forgotten.

Prophylaxis?

A couple colleagues asked why I very rarely agree to hang out with the rest of the crew after work. I gave them the standard 'busy at home, lots to take care of' response.

Here's one thing they do not know: I lied.

Yes, I do have a whole lot of things to take care of outside of work--but not always. Truth is, I don't want to get too close. Colleagues are colleagues, and colleagues they should always remain. It's a defense mechanism, a measure of self-preservation. I like to keep my work life and personal life completely separate. After working insanely-long hours every day, the last thing I want to do is meet up with the same people I've been working with the whole time. I'd drive myself crazy.

Not that I'm completely sane anyway.

I don't want to be close friends with my colleagues. I make it a point not to. It's my way of sparing myself from the downside of getting too close--getting taken advantage of, sold out, or left hanging. I do engage in small talk and plenty of good-humored fun, but they are all largely superficial. Putting up a front so no one can delve any deeper into the mess that is who I am. Carefully selecting what can be revealed and what should be kept concealed. Sometimes I weave a tiny bit of fiction into the fabric I put on display, for added color or simply out of boredom.

I'm a storyteller. I tell tales. They don't necessarily have to be true all the time, right?

You must wonder, just what on this godforsaken earth am I hiding? Why do I shut people out?

It's simple: Everything. Because I can, and I want to. A form of prophylaxis, so I won't be afflicted by the painful, ugly and disgusting manifestations of the disease in what humans refer to as a "dog eat dog world".

At least dogs are loyal. Humans, on the other hand...

I'll let you be the judge of that.

Joyeux Noël!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Keeping up with the rest.

Peer pressure isn't just a teenage problem. I think it's even worse when you're in your late twenties. It throws you into what is known in psychobabble as the quarter-life crisis.

One by one, people your age in your social circle get engaged, then get married. They get promoted at work, or maybe find a very lucrative job offer elsewhere...then happily take it. You see them have their first child. A few of them are expecting Kid #2 already.

27 years old, and going on 28. Your cousins are younger than you are, and they've already started a family. You, on the other hand, are still stagnant. The same job, the same amount of pay. No life aside from work. No time for socializing, let alone for prospective spouses. Relatives keep on pestering you to get married, as if husbands and wives are readily available, like goods in a grocery store.

So the million-dollar question is: Why now? Why does one have to accomplish certain things at a certain time? Why stress yourself out trying to fulfill the expectations of others when you can do it at your own pace?

Humans are just plain nuts. I think that's why.

How exactly do you measure pressure of this sort? In pascals?

Monday, December 15, 2014

Dig the tunnel, quick.

What's your opinion on looking for other jobs while you're on the job?

Is it OK to secretly seek greener pastures while you're at the office desk?

For a time, I thought it was unethical; but sitting here manning the beachside property with plenty of time to kill and no boss hovering over your shoulder every other hour--it's so much better to just put that time to good use.

At first, I felt kinda guilty for using company facilities for my personal affairs. Then that thing with the boss happened--and I realize one thing: I simply don't care anymore.

The disillusionment has intensified.