Prophylaxis?

A couple colleagues asked why I very rarely agree to hang out with the rest of the crew after work. I gave them the standard 'busy at home, lots to take care of' response.

Here's one thing they do not know: I lied.

Yes, I do have a whole lot of things to take care of outside of work--but not always. Truth is, I don't want to get too close. Colleagues are colleagues, and colleagues they should always remain. It's a defense mechanism, a measure of self-preservation. I like to keep my work life and personal life completely separate. After working insanely-long hours every day, the last thing I want to do is meet up with the same people I've been working with the whole time. I'd drive myself crazy.

Not that I'm completely sane anyway.

I don't want to be close friends with my colleagues. I make it a point not to. It's my way of sparing myself from the downside of getting too close--getting taken advantage of, sold out, or left hanging. I do engage in small talk and plenty of good-humored fun, but they are all largely superficial. Putting up a front so no one can delve any deeper into the mess that is who I am. Carefully selecting what can be revealed and what should be kept concealed. Sometimes I weave a tiny bit of fiction into the fabric I put on display, for added color or simply out of boredom.

I'm a storyteller. I tell tales. They don't necessarily have to be true all the time, right?

You must wonder, just what on this godforsaken earth am I hiding? Why do I shut people out?

It's simple: Everything. Because I can, and I want to. A form of prophylaxis, so I won't be afflicted by the painful, ugly and disgusting manifestations of the disease in what humans refer to as a "dog eat dog world".

At least dogs are loyal. Humans, on the other hand...

I'll let you be the judge of that.

Joyeux Noël!